Our devices have become an integral part of our lives. Almost like an extension of our body, we always know where our phone is, we check it constantly, we know all the latest activities of our friends and what’s going on in the world.
This constant attention to devices and never-ending attention to social networks are new phenomena in human evolution and need to be considered in the context of parenting.
We are social beings. For the earliest stages, we grow and are nurtured in the context of relationships. During infancy, we develop emotionally, socially, and cognitively through face-to-face interactions with our caregivers.
When we make eye contact with a baby, something very special happens. Eye contact creates an emotional connection.
Babies are naturally very interested in looking at faces, and they show a preference for looking back at faces who are looking at them (1, 2). Babies glean a wealth of information from looking at the faces of those around them. Faces provide a window into our emotional or mental state. This is how we begin to understand the person we are interacting with.
Experts have expressed concern over the changes they are seeing in the behavior of parents. We see parents in the park, enjoying a beautiful day with their young child or infant. The child is looking at the parent, and the parent is looking at his or her phone. The parents’ attention is absorbed by Facebook or Instagram and the children are experiencing the environment on their own. The shared experience, the opportunity for eye contact and emotional connection, is largely lost or greatly diminished.
No matter what age or stage of development, children need genuine social interaction with others and especially with their parents. The amount of screen time for parents has a direct impact on the quality of time spent with children. While children are learning to talk, they need to read facial expressions, they need to follow the parent’s gaze to see what they are looking at in order to share a mutual experience and connection. This cannot be done if mom or dad is looking at a screen and not at their child.
As a result, many experts strongly recommend that parents limit their screen time (3). And while we are unable to put away our phones for good, my greatest recommendation is to be aware of how important our attention is for our children’s social, emotional and cognitive development. Children learn about other people and the world through face to face interaction. So, as much as possible, put away your phone and create a shared experience of the world with your child.
Nicholas Hunter is a Practicing Clinical Psychologist (MSc) in the state of Vermont. Contact him to schedule an appointment.
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